The Three Pillars of Family Constellations: Belonging, Order and Balance

Family Constellations is a healing practice that reveals how our lives are deeply influenced by the hidden dynamics of our family systems.

At its heart are three simple but profound principles that Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, called The Orders of Love.

These pillars—Belonging, Order, and Balance—help love and life energy flow freely through families.

When they are disrupted, we often experience struggles, conflicts, or patterns that don’t seem to make sense.

Belonging

Every person in a family system has the right to belong.

When someone is excluded—whether through silence, shame, or forgetting—the system becomes imbalanced.

Later generations may unconsciously carry the weight of that exclusion, repeating patterns or feeling burdens that aren’t fully theirs.

Healing begins when everyone is acknowledged and honored, restoring a sense of wholeness.

Order

In healthy family systems, there is a natural order: parents give, children receive.

When this order is disrupted—for example, when children take on the role of caretaker, or when past traumas overshadow the present—it can create confusion and strain.

Respecting this natural hierarchy brings clarity, grounding, and harmony to relationships.

Balance

In relationships between adults, balance matters.

Giving and receiving need to be in harmony.

When one partner or family member always gives while another always takes, resentment or distance can grow.

When balance is restored, relationships regain their vitality, and connection becomes a source of strength rather than strain.

Why These Principles Matter

Together, Belonging, Order, and Balance form the foundation of Family Constellations.

They remind us that many of the challenges we face are not individual flaws but reflections of larger systemic dynamics.

When these principles are honored, the flow of love is restored—and with it comes healing, peace, and a deeper sense of connection to ourselves and our families.

In upcoming posts, we’ll explore each of these pillars more deeply—what they mean, how disruptions can show up in everyday life, and the healing that becomes possible when they are restored.